EXCLUSIVE – President-elect Trump cancels visit to Heswall

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Donald Trump has called off his planned trip to Heswall and blamed a Chinese cyber attack for his decision.

Mr Trump was to have been the keynote speaker at a conference organised by Heswall Today called, ‘Fake News: Fact or Fiction?’

Mr Trump tweeted: “Chinese hackers got into Jug and Bottle computer and canceled my room booking. Nice!”

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Trying to see the bright side, the man who will soon be the 45th president of the United States added: “Pleased that Zumba classes at Heswall Hall that had to be scrapped will now go ahead. Wish I was there with you girls!”

Mr Trump’s non-arrival will be a bitter blow to members of the Heswall business community who had hoped to attract investment from the billionaire by renaming the town Trumpton.

It can be revealed that plans had been drawn up for:

A 100 storey Trump Tower hotel to be built on the Devon Doorway roundabout

A modern Trumpton railway station to replace the pile of wood and scrap metal currently known as Heswall Hills station

A Trump Bar and Grill to be sited in the defunct Heswall police station where no grilling has taken place for years

A Viking theme park to be built on the Puddydale with centrepiece rollercoaster The Thingwall of Death

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A source told Heswall Today, “The news that the Donald isn’t coming has sent shockwaves through Heswall. We were looking into a bright new future and now our hopes are dashed.

“If we were to find out that his visit was some kind of joke then no doubt the people responsible will be caught and tortured horribly in the window of Thorntons so everyone can see.”

Heswall Today tried to contact Heswall Today to ask about the Fake News conference and the claims that Mr Trump had agreed to attend, but no-one was available for comment.

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